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A Normal Working Man ©
Elbas Tardo lived in the village of Enmityville. He began each day by punching out
his alarm clock and sneering at an innocent bowl of Rice Krispies.
Upon departing for work, he would remind his wife, Ageta, to water the poison ivy
and she would wish him a happy flat tire.
He owned and operated the Tardo School of Speech Therapy which was based
on the philosophy of intimidation. Parents of prospective students
with speech impediments were told "I'll make 'em talk."
At the end of the work day, Elbas returned to the tranquil chaos of home
where his own children would kiss him for $1.00 and praise him for two dollars.
If he'd give them five dollars, they would lock themselves in their bedroom and keep quiet.
Ageta Tardo was health-conscious and every dinner included a vegetable salad
dressed with her own recipe of vinegar and motor oil.
After dinner, Elbas indulged in his favorite TV sport of shooting rubber darts
at Steven Colbert.
Upon retiring for the evening, Ageta would get into their bed and Elbas would crawl
underneath it to catch any burglars in the act.
This he did with no success because he would immediately fall asleep
which can only be expected of a normal working man.
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Footnotes
Originally written in 1999, A NORMAL WORKING MAN is the copyrighted property
of The Lewis Carroll School of Logic.
However, all names have been updated very recently, much to the delight of Mrs. CarPeo.
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